![]() ![]() My mom was engaged to someone else before she met my dad. Is this a new thing that's developed after you've gotten married, or was it present before you tied the knot as well? Okay, I agree with others to a point, but having unresolved feelings doesn't mean you're going to go and cheat on your husband. I will be honest that more than 20 years later I do miss some of their characteristics, but I made the commitment to my husband and through good times and some really terrible times, I renew that commitment on a daily basis I guess my point is I have a lot of good memories (and some not so good) about the guys I dated before my husband. He was tall, had a mullet, a big nose, always wore a baseball cap, but he could kiss! And the sensitive college football star who really knew how to romance someone but never pressured anyone. This trip down memory lane has me thinking about my "best kisser" memory, a guy from the corn fields of the Midwest (I'm a Northeast city girl!). Don't let unresolved feelings get in the way of being able to make the commitment to your marriage every day. I'm not suggesting you do exactly like I did, but I would suggest talking with a counselor about it. I still have the occasional dream but am able to push them aside. I eventually looked him up online (early years of internet so not easy!), called him and realized that what we had wasn't what I wanted or needed anymore. The dreams caused me to think about him on the regular, and I missed the passion. My relationship with the boyfriend was intense, romantic, and had a recklessness about it. Marriage is about a commitment that is pretty much renewed every day.įor years after I was married I had reoccurring dreams (sometimes more than once a week) about the guy I dated before meeting my husband. Marriage isn't about finding the one true love/partner/whatever. Being married doesn't mean that all previous relationships are suddenly faded memories. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from /loveletters. Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast at loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Send your own relationship and dating questions to. Multiple kids under 14? Who has time for all this cheating? Seriously? Logistical nightmare. Does that really sound like a good situation to you? How do you think that would go, even under the best of circumstances? You are in way over your head. ![]() He lives far away and is married with kids and hasn’t made any actual plans to leave his wife. As for the other guy, you barely actually know him other than an old idea you have of him in your head. Maybe he’ll do the leaving you part for you. Tell your husband you’re having an affair. Midlife crisis and wants to know he still has it. You talk about leaving your husband for him, but has he given you any indication that he is going to leave his wife for you? What if he has no interest in doing that? ![]() The trust issues are still there, only now you’re the one causing them for his wife and your husband. You’re trying to relive your post-college days. If you leave your marriage, you have to be ready to be alone - because that’s a real possible outcome. You can decide that you want to leave your marriage, but there are no guarantees that you’ll find a soft landing with your ex. what if you knew your ex had no plans to leave his spouse? Would you want to work on your marriage then?Īt Love Letters (back me up, everybody), we’ve always told people to separate these decisions. You’re behaving as though you’re choosing between a life with your ex and the one you have with your husband, but. Stop doing that and pay attention to what’s in front of you so you can make a thoughtful decision about next steps. Because you are having an affair - emotional and now physical. You’ll have to take space from your affair to do that. Spend time thinking about why you might stay and how you could make things better in your real relationship. If you husband still has some of them, you need to start there. You ask, “Do I stay in my marriage knowing that a huge piece of my heart is with someone else?” My answer is that there are many pieces of your heart. let’s make it a simple question: Do you love your husband? Is that because you’ve never had strong feelings for your spouse? Maybe you’re so smitten with your ex at the moment that you can’t remember.īut. ![]()
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